I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize