your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
