I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
