How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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