You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
