i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
