Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
