hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
