im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
We're too hungover to prance.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
