I haven't been this sober since birth.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
