Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
In America we eat man semen.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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