Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
