I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize