My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
ttyl tear gas
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
