The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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