Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
