I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
i out mim tonsoeep
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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