My ATM looks so different sober.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
