Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
