come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
