He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
