I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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