i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
