i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You pole danced in your parka.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
