dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
