I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
