I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
