so that wasnt chicken after all
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
