im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
