It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
