don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
