Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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