I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
