You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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