Kiss
Puke
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
