We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize