it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Randomize
