I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
