I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
