...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
