The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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