come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
