just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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