my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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