Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
