So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
