Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
