Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
When did angry sex become our thing?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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