As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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