I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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