Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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