Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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