Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
you never un-have a 4some
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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