he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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