My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
