You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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