I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
