dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Randomize
