Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
