i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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