she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
