I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
