In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
