these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Randomize