Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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