mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Enjoy the penises
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
