I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
