discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
