I'm jealous of your bromance
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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