he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
