i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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