I hope mine doesn't look like that
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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