i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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