she woke up with a sticky ear
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
