hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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