I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
