the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize