you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
