it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
