I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
